Guest Post – She Looks Like Me: Reflections on Diversity by Tay Laroi

Tay Pic

 

The picture above is me. My father is a fair-skinned black man and my mother is an EXTREMELY fair-skinned white woman, which is why I look the way I do. Due to my mixed heritage, I have a very complicated relationship with my unbelievably curly hair. When it grows, it doesn’t get long, it gets big.  And by big I mean huge. Like, routinely-loose-bobby-pins-in-it-I-am-not-kidding-that-actually-happens huge, which is why I wear it short.  It’s also why I get extremely excited when I meet other girls, primarily mixed and black girls, with hair like mine. I feel like it gives us an instant connection to build on and, if they wear their hair long, I can’t help but admire their patience. I’ve struck up long engaging conversation with total strangers just with complements about their hair, questions about products, and thoughts on styles.

I form a similar connection with fictional characters and other images in media. I can be walking through a book store, browsing the internet, or flip through TV channels and I will stop when I see a woman with crazy-curly hair and verbalize my excitement.

“Wow, I love her hair.”

“Cute curls.”

“Hey, she looks like me!”

It’s a very natural human response. Most of us feel a small internal spark when we realize we identify with others whether through interests, style of dress, hobbies, or for many minorities, something as simple as a shared skin tone.  It looks like more and more creators are recognizing this connection and implementing it by including more people of color in their works. Personally, I couldn’t be happier.

Others, it seems, see this as a problem. It feels like every other day there’s some enraged white gamer, movie-goer, or TV-viewer who complains about “token minorities” or “pandering” simply because a character doesn’t look like them. Heck, minor characters that die can’t even be a minority without sparking some sort of outrage. Remember Rue from “The Hunger Games?” Yeah, those angry tweets were fun to read.

It’s not like white characters are dwindling that much in America. Regardless of genre or medium, most stories today still feature white main characters that live in primarily white cultures. There are still thousands of well-written white characters for people to share that spark with—a spark white people in this country have so much of that they don’t even realize it’s there until someone else gets the chance to experience it. Then they write the character or story off and don’t give it a chance. This is often followed by some notion that the story is unbelievable because it doesn’t line up with their preconceived notions about the minority group in question, resulting in the loss of an opportunity to learn something new about their fellow human beings.

One of my favorite fictional characters is Korra from Avatar: The Legend of Korra. She’s confident, brave, self-assured, strong, and isn’t afraid to speak her mind when she sees that something isn’t right—all traits I aspire to have (I also aspire to have her muscles, but I digress). Alongside Korra’s strengths, I also love her flaws. Many talents come naturally to her, so she quickly gets frustrated when she’s not good at something right away.  Her desire to right wrongs sometimes leads her to act without thinking and she struggles to find her own identity in the face of other’s expectations and her own failures. These are all things I personally face from time to time, so it’s comforting and inspiring to see someone else overcome them, even if they are a fictional character with superpowers.

Like I mentioned before, I’m mixed and pass as white. In our world Korra would probably be considered Inuit, judging by the way her culture looks and operates in the show. We couldn’t look more different or come from more different cultures, but here’s the thing: our race doesn’t matter. Our joint experiences do. The differences between me and Korra only make me more interested in her. I love witnessing where she comes from, the culture that helped shape her, and the unique challenges it presents to her. Our differences provide me a chance to think a little differently and look at a new world with a sense of wonder. I also marvel at the fact that the creators of both The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra managed to integrate East Asian philosophes into kids’ shows flawlessly but again, I digress.

Instead of looking at characters of color as a challenge or a threat, what if we looked at them as chances to show empathy towards people of color, who probably are happy to see more people like them in popular media, and a chance to learn about ourselves and the people around us? Or to learn about the society that has shaped the way we see each other? If people stopped making such vain and self-centered complains and focused on the stories in front of them, I think a lot of people would see that there aren’t as many differences between people as they thought, as cliché as that sounds. I also think people would realize that the differences between us are worth studying and understanding so that we can coexist better in this country. Again, cliché, but true.

So, if you routinely get upset when a character doesn’t look like you, stop. Take a breath. Let a person who does look like that character enjoy a connection you’ve probably enjoyed hundreds of times before. Then, give that character a chance. Let them teach you and take those lessons with you. Stories are some of the best lessons we have in regards to the human condition. Don’t waste such an opportunity.

If such things don’t bother you, call out people who complain. Question them. Make them think and reflect because, while stories are excellent lessons, sometimes we need teachers to get them across. I see no reason why it shouldn’t me and you.

4 thoughts on “Guest Post – She Looks Like Me: Reflections on Diversity by Tay Laroi

  1. Tay.Laroi

    Hi, Bob!

    Thanks so much for your reply. It really means a lot to me that you took the time to write out such a thoughtful, heartfelt message, especially considering how much you do around the site.

    I think you’re right that people who are truly mean and prejudice are a decreasing minority (thank God), but I also think many of us (even myself from time to time) can be prejudice in small was that need to be analyzed. I have friends that are good, well meaning people who get upset about gay characters or complain when a character is adapted as a person of color, Hermione Granger in “The Curse Child” for example. It’s not because they’re bad or vicious people. They’ve just never stopped to think about why those things upset them before and how such changes should be celebrated, not protested.

    I probably should have included a paragraph about tha distinction. Thanks for pointing it out. 🙂 Best of luck with “The Horses of Tir Na Nog!”

    Reply
    1. Bob Boze

      You’re very welcome Tay. We’re all uncomfortable with change and things that are different. It’s simply human nature. But, it’s up to each of us to address and replace that uncomfortableness with curiosity and wonder. To teach those around us to embrace diversity, not look at it as wrong or, in some cases, evil.

      With the current state of the world and our political craziness, now more than ever, the sense of caring, understanding and sanity you bring out in your writing is so desperately needed to keep that shrinking minority from throwing us back into the dark ages. So, please don’t ever stop writing or reminding people to embrace how unique we all are.

      When I started writing, I made a conscious decision to bring out the warmth, friendship, love, trust and caring in my characters and only expose them to evil in order to show how those traits help them not only heal but become better human beings as they pay it forward. Corny? Perhaps. But it’s the wonderful world that lives in my mind and the one I want to implant in the minds of others. It’s my very small and subtle way of dribbling and implanting the message that life should be fun and others who are different should be embraced; no matter what their differences.

      Has it worked? I think so. While I love good reviews, I’ve learned to smile at the ones that bad mouth me for too many hugs, characters that are always happy and only help each other. Or, putting only happiness in my books. Why, because I know my dribbled message got through. The fact that my main characters standing on a bridge in Istanbul and smiling at the chants coming from the minarets and staring in wonder at the different world surrounding them was criticized means my message got to them. They saw what I wanted them to see and, even though they didn’t like it, my message got into their head.

      Okay, so now I’ve confirmed I’m crazy. Hopefully in a good way.

      All of that was to tell you to keep sending your message out there. In your own way, you’re doing what I do. But, you’re much better at it than I’ll ever be. You’ll also have a much larger audience than I, as a love story writer, will ever have. So, go and change the world young lady! And thank you for renewing my faith in the next generation.

      Reply
      1. Tay.Laroi

        Aw, you’re making me blush, Bob 🙂
        And don’t sell yourself too short. I’ve come to think love stories are the perfect place to explore such themes and ideas. Ashely just posted my article about it! Haha.

        Reply
  2. Bob Boze

    It’s not often I feel I need to reply to a post but Tay’s post is an exception. Not because I disagree with it: To the contrary, I couldn’t agree more. But, I would like to add a slightly different take on things.

    You see, I come out of a generation much different than Tay’s. A generation where bias, prejudice and segregation were not only common but expected. That is, if you didn’t bad mouth other races for being ignorant, backward, unclean, stupid and not being worthy of your time (other than to insult them) how could you prove yourself superior? It wasn’t just blacks. (Actually, for me it wasn’t blacks at all) You see, I lived in a Slavic neighborhood in Queens NY. Next to an Irish neighborhood on one side. A Jewish neighborhood on another. A Puerto Rican neighborhood on a third and …well, I think you get the picture. And all of them were so beneath us Russians (that’s me) and our Polish friends that they were extremely lucky we let them live in the same state, no less the same part of the city.

    But two things happened during my life. First my dad, who was raised in the south, sat me down and said: “No matter what you hear me or anyone else say, you treat people the way they treat you. You respect them until something they do convinces you otherwise.”

    The second thing started when I was 11 and travel (everywhere) become a major part of my life. Travel that exposed me to people and places that were completely different from me and where I lived. People and places that absolutely fascinated me. So much so, that it was one of the main reasons for writing my autobiography and sharing my fascination and discoveries (and funny stories) with the rest of the world. (Well, at least the 10 people who have bought my book.)

    Why am I rambling on like this? Because I’m an author???? No, because I see how much the world has changed and how much better it is today and I need to share that with Tay. Is it perfect? Not even close. However, I see Tay’s generation and those right behind hers as an encouraging blend of cultures, races, religions, sexual preferences and everything else. I see people her age who don’t even turn their heads (except maybe to say hello) when someone of obvious mixed race walks by or is introduced. I watch all of our younger friends instantly accept people who are different from them with excitement and curiosity about what it’s like where they come from; how they live, what their background is, where they went to school and on and on.

    So Tay, you’re right about what people do and say about mixed races. But, they are so much the minority. And becoming more so every day. That’s not to say you, or the rest of us, should stop working on changing that small group and wake them up to reality and the wonderful diversity they are missing in their lives. But they truly are not the norm and becoming more and more of as minority every day. Thank heaven! And thank you and your generation for reminding us old folks how wonderful and rich being different is! And thank you so much for your fantastic post!

    Reply

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